
Bryan’s update on teaching elementary school:
After one week of teaching math and literature for 4th, 5th, and 6th graders, my students and I can report the following things:
1. Parallel lines will never touch, therefore they will never go out on a date.
2. Based off of #1, guys will now be turned down by girls in the following way “There’s NO WAY we could ever go out, we’re like parallel lines.”
3. Parallelograms are a group of complete and total losers.
Unfortunately, on the test at the end of the week over new geometry terms, more than one student wrote that the name for lines that intersect are “those lines that don’t go out.”… Oh well, at least they get the idea?
Also in the misadventures of Mr. Aukerman’s classes, the 5th and 6th graders started a book called “The Apple and the Arrow.” In this book the protagonist stands up against evil tyrants in the 1300’s who charge excessive taxes and demand people work for them as slaves. The symbolism of this frivolous oppression is that the subjects had to bow down to the ruler’s hat. In order to help kids understand symbolism in this sense, I had them start out class saying the pledge of allegiance, only they pledged allegiance to my right shoe. It started out, “I pledge allegiance to Mr. Aukerman’s shoe, which was on his right foot and smells awesome. And to the classroom for which he rules…” etc. They all got a kick out of it until I told them that to show their true allegiance, they would all now smell my shoe. I only made one student actually smell it, but the rest got the idea after seeing that kids face. They then understood how pledging to a shoe or bowing to a hat would make a person feel mighty small.
One last thing, then I’ll give the computer over to Jenna: because the book is about William Tell (the guy who shot an apple off of his son’s head) I brought in an apple, and an arrow. I asked for a volunteer to come to the front of the class. One good thing about elementary schoolers is that nobody is “too cool” yet (at least most people), so EVERYBODY’s hand shot up. I picked one of the kids who is usually a pretty big loudmouth, and had him come up to the front of the room as I handed him the apple and arrow. He smiled and asked what he was supposed to do with them. I told him to feel the tip of the arrow (this was one of John Hunter’s big-game arrows), and he looked a little nervous holding onto it when he realized we weren’t kidding around with the arrow. I then told him to go around the classroom and let the rest of the student verify that this was really an honest-to-god arrow, and I’d be right back (Jenna was in there to make sure nobody was impaled by the arrow). When I returned, I had John’s large compound-bow with me. My volunteer went about two shades paler than he was before and the rest of the class erupted into Oo’s and Ah’s. Once they all quieted down, my volunteer then had to go to the front of the class and put the apple on top of his head, as I walked to the back of the room and I notched the arrow, over exaggerating how heavy the bow was.
As I put the student in the bow’s sights, the volunteer asked in a very high-pitched voice, “Have you done this before Mr. Aukermans?”
“Mr. Hunter taught me how to do this last night.” I stuttered back, very unassuringly.
At this point, the class was teeming with laughter. Then, hand still on the arrow and student still in the front, I had them turn to the page in their book where there was an illustration of William Tell aiming his cross-bow at his son. Once they looked this up, I let the student take the apple from his head and sit back down—much to dismay of every other student in the class. My volunteer, however, may or may not have wet his pants a little.
In any case, I think it’s safe to say that this week has been a new experience for both myself (as a high school teacher trying to teach elementary ages), as well as for the kids (I don’t think they had been physically threatened by pain of death AND pledged allegiance to footwear in class before). This blog has been more about the activities that have take place, but I’d like to write more about some students individually. Before I take the liberty to do that, I’m going to ask the Hunters if they’re OK with me commenting on their students. But fear not! News of the actual kids should be coming soon. Alright, here’s Jenna.
I (Jenna) fortunately had the joy of sitting in on this apple/arrow demonstration with “Mr. Aukermans”. I don’t think I’ve ever seen kids that excited and nervous to see one of their classmates possibly get skewered by the teacher. It was a good class.
Ok, interesting cultural observation #1: (this goes out to Rod especially) I helped out in the school kitchen for a day last week. When I went in to report for duty, the head cook was busy – get ready – cutting fresh vegetables. Yes, fresh vegetables. And fresh organic meat (hunted by John recently) was cooking on the stove. And I noticed that the noodles and bread here are usually made out of straight wheat flour with maybe a little salt added. No processed anything, no high fructose corn syrup, no loads and loads of sugar or fat in any of it. I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that these kids, in extreme poverty, eat better quality food at this school than 90% of American children.
Interesting cultural observation #2: Kids will play with anything here. I seriously mean anything. A frequent game during their break time involves only a wad of used plastic grocery bags. Or when there are no soccer balls in the morning before school, an old plastic pop bottle substitutes quite well for a game. And they all are having some serious fun.
Interesting cultural observation #3: The kids here speak at least 3 languages. For most of them their native language is Damara (which kind of sounds like a strain of Portuguese but with lots of clicks), Afrikaans, and English. I’m impressed.